Notes on Healthcare Reform

Guess what? I don’t know anything about healthcare reform except what I watched here:

The only thing I know about health care.

So anyone who wants to debate it with me will find me a poor opponent. I know next to nothing about it and tend to let people decide things for me. Plus, I’m crazy. Not crazy like others may say you’re crazy, but disorganized, slightly impaired, and prone to delusion crazy. That’s not you, is it?

So, that disclaimer out of the way, here are my simple observations:

Bart Stupak wants health care reform, but doesn’t believe abortions should be federally funded. So he creates a bill that would prohibit this:

HOUSE PASSES STUPAK AMENDMENT
TO APPLY FEDERAL PROHIBITION ON
ABORTION FUNDING
TO HEALTH CARE REFORM BILL

Then, he votes to pass healthcare reform:

STUPAK VOTES TO PASS HEALTH CARE REFORM BILL

Now, I personally don’t agree with Stupak for reasons I’ll get into later, but the basic thing is this:

1) There was something keeping Stupak from getting behind the health care reform as it was written.

2) He proposed how to change it.

3) They changed it.

4) He voted for it.

Again, not my cup of tea on his decision, but an excellent example of how law-making and stuff like that probably happens.

This said, I’m a little saddened by the following folks who voted for Stupak’s amendment and then voted against health care reform anyway:

John Barrow(GA. 12 )
John Boccieri(OHIO 16 )
Dan Boren(OKLA. 2 )
Bobby Bright(ALA. 2 )
Ben Chandler(KY. 6 )
Travis Childers(MISS. 1 )
Lincoln Davis(TENN. 4 )
Artur Davis(ALA. 7 )
Bart Gordon(TENN. 6 )
Parker Griffith(ALA. 5 )
Tim Holden(PA. 17 )
Jim Marshall(GA. 8 )
Jim Matheson(UTAH 2 )
Mike McIntyre(N.C. 7 )
Charlie Melancon(LA. 3 )
Collin C. Peterson(MINN. 7 )
Mike Ross(ARK. 4 )
Heath Shuler(N.C. 11 )
Ike Skelton(MO. 4 )
John Tanner(TENN. 8 )
Gene Taylor(MISS. 4 )
Harry Teague(N.M. 2 )

This was something Stupak created so that he could vote his conscience on the issue of healthcare reform. It seems to me like they’re using it ensure that the healthcare reform that is passed is weakened. If they can’t kill it, at least their constituents will know that they took steps to ensure that abortion won’t be federally funded.

I understand it, I just don’t like it.

This brings me to my second point, just a small issue but nevertheless one that I thought might be worth mentioning.

According to this CNN Article women who want abortion coverage will have to purchase a separate rider with their own money to do so. This, to me, seems exactly like the type of bureaucracy that someone who considers themselves conservative would decry, or call “additional taxation” if it weren’t for a strong moral stance against abortion from that side of the aisle.

There was no information on how soon someone would need to opt-in before the coverage would be in effect. The two options of either a woman having to decide well in advance to purchase the rider “just in case” or a woman having to carry a child to term because she purchased the rider too late are both slightly Kafkaesque in my mind.

At least, according to the article above, the prohibition against federally funding abortions excludes cases of rape, incest, or cases where the mother’s life is in danger.

I guess it’s kind of sad that I was happily surprised to learn that.

Still, like any bureaucracy, I can imagine there’s a nightmare situation out there that no one has thought of yet.

One Minute Story – Halloween Edition

“You tied your husband to a tree?” the cop asked.

“Yeah,” said the lady, “‘Cause he kept messin’ around with them neighborhood bitches.”

The cop walked around to the back yard, and found the man sitting there patiently.

“Christ,” said the cop. “I hate werewolf town.”

Advice to Banks That Buy Local Banks

Those of you who read my blog may remember my gagging disgust at Chase’s attempts to woo Seattle by telling us we had great fish, or that Chase’s presence was making the sun come out.

It’s nothing new. In the town where I went to High School, local banks would occasionally get bought, but WaMU was huge, so it made more of an impact.

Here’s my advice to banks that buy local banks:

1) People hate change. You’re changing things. So, change as little as possible. Name changes are a given but for the love of pete, even if you’re an East Coast company, don’t change your customer service hours. People will instantly hate you. They’ll get over a name change, but won’t like it if they have to shift their routine.

2) Keep your commercials realistic. Your competitors are already going to have the “They Don’t Know You, Not Like US!” card to play. Trying to appear like you understand your new clients will appear disingenuous. Here is my suggestion:

Shot of middle-aged white man at a desk, contractors are taking down signage from the old bank, and putting signage up for the new bank.

MAWM: Hello. We just bought your bank. Things may be a little different for a while, but soon they’ll be back to normal. We’re not your friends, we’re not gods or magicians, we’re a bank. We’re a good bank too. That’s why we were able to buy your bank. Thanks for listening. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.

(10 Seconds of man humming to himself, doing paperwork.)

Caption w/voiceover “_______________ Bank: We’re Still in Business”

Sure, if you ever DO get bought out people will find those commercials hilarious, but then that won’t be your concern, right?

Really, those are my only two points.

I don’t know much about banks.

One Minute Story: The Tower Hat

The Tower Hat

Once there was a tall tower. At the top of the tower lived a wizard with a large hat, shaped like the tower itself. The wizard claimed a smaller wizard lived in his hat, and that this wizard also had a tower-hat with a wizard living in it.

It was suggested that his tower might be a larger wizard’s hat, but the wizard said the that was bullshit.

One Minute Story: The Earings of Blood

The Earrings of Blood

Once there was a woman who had earrings made of drops of blood. She didn’t like the clasps they had on them, so she ordered new ones. Her husband really wanted to use the bathroom, but she was using the toilet as a chair when she fitted the new clasps. This is based on actual events.

A Cautionary Tale: More Updates

So, now the sheriff has officially stated the “balloon boy” debacle is a hoax. See the CNN article for more details.

One note to our friends overseas:

I’ve seen a lot of statements about how “moronic” folks in the USA were by thinking Falcon was in that balloon. Keep in mind that most of us heard he was in there first, without actually seeing the footage. Then, when we saw the footage, the balloon was in the air, where it’s much more difficult to judge scale.

Even Mythbuster Adam Savage, an all-around smart guy whose own show busted a similar myth (episode 21 – Ping Pong Rescue), expressed concern for Falcon via Twitter at the time of the incident.

So, please, at least give us credit for having more compassion than sense at that moment. When the footage of the balloon taking off was finally shown, it was instantly recognizable that there was no way he could have been on that balloon, which is what prompted my original essay.

Another point I had been considering, that was actually brought up by Simon Pegg on twitter is the idea that this started out as a UFO hoax.

My own thought was that it went kind of like this:

9News: Hello, 9News, how can I help you?
Male Voice: Hi, I just wanted to call and tell you that if someone reports a UFO, that’s actually my balloon. It got loose because my wife wasn’t holding onto the tether and-
9New: Your balloon? Like a hot-air balloon?
Male Voice: Sort of, it actually is a home-made helium balloon I made with my family-
9News: Oh, no! Is anyone on board?
Male Voice: Is anyone…uh…What?
9News: Is one of the children on the balloon?
Male Voice: Right! Oh…oh my God! (fainter) Didn’t you say you saw your brother get on the balloon?
Young Male Voice: I what?
Male Voice: Oh my God, I think my son might be on the balloon. I hope he’s okay!

Not saying it’s what happened, just saying I could believe it. Again, sad to discover that I was right in this. Or was I?

Let’s consider the idea that Richard Heene came up with this scheme in the manner that Robert Tomas claims:

“…he was motivated by theories I thought were far-fetched. Like Reptilians — the idea there are alien beings that walk among us and are shape shifters, able to resemble human beings and running the upper echelon of our government. Somehow a secret government has covered all this up since the U.S. was established, and the only way to get the truth out there was to use the mainstream media to raise Richard to a status of celebrity, so he could communicate with the masses.”

Do you notice the subtle manipulation of this event by the media from a heart-warming story into a horrific tale of child endangerment? Isn’t this exactly the type of thing the reptillians are known for? Why is “reptillian” not recognized by my spell-check? Is it a subtle way to imply that they don’t exist? Is it- Oh, wait. I guess it’s supposed to be “reptilian.” Anyway, I think you see my point.

Next, I’m waiting for the rumors to circulate that Falcon threw up because they gave him on overdose of cold medicine to make him non-communicative during the interview. Have those happened yet? That seems like the next step in a secret-government conspiracy.

(I hope Reptilians understand the concept of sarcasm.)

One Minute Story: The Chess Crab

The Chess Crab

Once upon a time there was a crab who would play chess with himself every day, using pieces he carved out of driftwood with his mighty claw. Every day it was a stalemate. Then, a wizard appeared. “How is it you learned how to play chess?” the wizard asked. The crab did not answer, for he was a crab, incapable of speech.

A Cautionary Tale: Update

Just a day after I speculated about Richard Heene making the “balloon boy” tale up as a hoax, Robert Thomas makes a post claiming just that.

Robert’s statements are basically my worst fears realized. I won’t go into them here, just ask that your read Robert’s statements and make up your own mind.

The one thing I’m a bit cautious about is the fact that because this matches everything I didn’t want to hear, that I may be prone to believe it out of a large degree of pessimism. I ask again that you check it out and make up your own minds.

One Minute Story – The Hardware Monkey

The Hardware Monkey

The monkey went into the hardware store and started eating nails. “You get outta here!” screamed the hardware man. The monkey didn’t stop until he’d eaten every nail in the place. “Well, dang!” said the hardware man. “Now we gotta get married!” He was right.

THE END!

A Cautionary Tale

I see some parallels between Balloon Boy and My Kid Could Paint That.

Both Richard Heene and Mark Olmstead were fathers whose children were given a national spotlight.

Falcon Heene was thought to have taken a dangerous balloon trip. Marla Olmstead was said to have painted extraordinary pictures.

In both of these cases, the media attention eventually turned sour.

60 Minutes claimed that it was possible Marla didn’t paint the pictures at all, and Falcon was revealed to be hiding in his home, not on the balloon at all.

In both cases, the child in the spotlight said something when the cameras were on that the father didn’t want to be heard.

During the filming of the documentary about her paintings, Marla asked Mark Olmstead to complete one of her paintings for her. When asked by his parents why he didn’t come out when they were calling for him, Falcon Heene said, “You guys said…that…mmm…we did this for the show.”

In both cases, the things the kids said could possibly be taken to mean that the speculations of the media were true. Did Marla admit that Mark Olmstead completed paintings for her? Did Falcon say that his parents put him up to a hoax?

In both of these cases, the thing that makes it look possible is the father’s reaction. Both fathers attempt to normalize and downplay what is said because they, like us, know what their child’s statement may imply. In both cases, they come up with a normalizing scenario that would explain away the child’s statement, then remind us that the child is a child, then mention that they resent the attention on their family. This ends up looking sketchy.

I think this is due to no small part to the fact that both parents have done a little work to get their families into the spotlight in the past. The Heenes appeared on Wife Swap and if you watch the documentary there’s bit about the Olmsteads submitting Marla’s paintings to an art show with copy that those running it found inappropriate for what they were after. The idea that these things just “happened” and now the media is unfairly reporting on the family begins to look disingenuous.

I mention this as a cautionary tale, however, because I think all fathers may have this tendency, especially ones connected in some way to show business, or with a wish to be famous. Betty is cute and smart, and (here’s the dangerous bit) I want her to be able to do all the things I never did. It’s a very thin line between giving your child the opportunity to succeed and trying to force them into a rocket to stardom with you tethered along behind.

For the record, I’m not sure about Marla. I think that what we may have seen in Mark is this thing that I think I might do too. He was trying to explain to her what she meant, which is a common parent thing to do. I will say that the painting that she completed all on her own (Ocean) didn’t have the same refinement as some of the others. Also, I know how hard it is to not collaborate with a child who paints, at least a little. My own guess on this situation (and it is just a guess) is that Olmstead helped a little, and then got tripped up with the story that they never helped her. Again, though, that’s just because of my experience raising Betty.

For Falcon Heene, though, I have to say it’s highly suspect. The balloon was made with a cardboard base for a reason. Cardboard is light, and when you watch the balloon take off, it floats up slowly. If Richard Henne really thought his son was in that balloon, I have to think he was either disconnected from reality a bit or didn’t know how his own balloon worked.

Once it got into the air, it’s hard to tell the size, so the news crews and those of us watching at home can be forgiven. Still, though, Richard Heene should have known, in my opinion.

Then again, if he truly thought his son was missing, maybe he lost contact with his rational mind and imagined him in the balloon as a pilot, rather than a weight that would have kept it on solid ground.