My

I saw Ms. G- at the copier today. She was nice.

I always seem to have very brief connections with people. It’s sort of like when you have a dream that you’re dating someone who you know in real life. The next time you see them, you feel this deep emotional connection. Then you realize, “Oh, wait, that was a dream I had. This person and I hardly know eachother.” (Actually, perhaps I’m the only one who experiences this. I doubt it, however.)

In the same way, I’m great with being a random friendly face. Pass me in the hall or talk to me on an elevator, and I’m fine. I don’t have many deep relationships. They make me uncomfortable, I think. I notice that when people enjoy my company, I sometimes leave very quickly. I think it’s my way of saying, “Sure, you like me now, but just wait!”

I spend a lot of time working on creative projects. After the audience is done view, however, I have a very hard time sustaining interest. “That’s it,” I’ll say, “Talk to you later.”

Every so often, however, I’ll make a deeper connection with someone. Maybe it’s for a week, maybe only for one day. However it happens, one day I’ll see them and they’ll be very nice, very formal, and I realize that whatever was happening has now stopped. If I’m lucky, my friendly-face position is not closed down forever. I’m used to the spot, and it’s much better than being ignored by someone who I’ve tried to reach.

I value my friendships, regardless of whatever damage my lack of social skills may produce.

This said, I’m hoping that Ms. G- will keep me around, if only for entertainment value.

It’s my favorite position these days.

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About paulgude

Paul Gude writes small books, makes stupid music, draws silly pictures, and does weird things on stage.
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