I saw Ms. G- at the copier today. She was nice.

I always seem to have very brief connections with people. It’s sort of like when you have a dream that you’re dating someone who you know in real life. The next time you see them, you feel this deep emotional connection. Then you realize, “Oh, wait, that was a dream I had. This person and I hardly know eachother.” (Actually, perhaps I’m the only one who experiences this. I doubt it, however.)

In the same way, I’m great with being a random friendly face. Pass me in the hall or talk to me on an elevator, and I’m fine. I don’t have many deep relationships. They make me uncomfortable, I think. I notice that when people enjoy my company, I sometimes leave very quickly. I think it’s my way of saying, “Sure, you like me now, but just wait!”

I spend a lot of time working on creative projects. After the audience is done view, however, I have a very hard time sustaining interest. “That’s it,” I’ll say, “Talk to you later.”

Every so often, however, I’ll make a deeper connection with someone. Maybe it’s for a week, maybe only for one day. However it happens, one day I’ll see them and they’ll be very nice, very formal, and I realize that whatever was happening has now stopped. If I’m lucky, my friendly-face position is not closed down forever. I’m used to the spot, and it’s much better than being ignored by someone who I’ve tried to reach.

I value my friendships, regardless of whatever damage my lack of social skills may produce.

This said, I’m hoping that Ms. G- will keep me around, if only for entertainment value.

It’s my favorite position these days.


About paulgude

Paul Gude writes small books, makes stupid music, draws silly pictures, and does weird things on stage.
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