What Betty Wants You to Know – Part 2

Another installment of the feature where I ask my three-year-old daughter to address the world with her insights and proclamations.

This episode took place at 5pm on a Saturday.

Me: Okay, Betty. What else do you want the people to know?

Betty: Um…all about dogs!

Me: Okay, what about dogs?

Betty: Dogs are really funky. They pop over.

Me: They pop over?

Betty: Yeah. They pop over to something.

Me: How do they pop?

Betty: Gonna be itchy.

Me: They get itchy and then they pop?

Betty: Mmm-hmm. And I pop my feet! My feet are really little. No, really big.

Me: So, both you and dogs pop.

Betty: I pop? Maybe you pop!

Me: What do dogs pop?

Betty: Over the heel.

Me: Over the hill?

Betty: No the HEEL!

Me: What’s a heel?

Betty: I have a heel, like this. (Indicates her foot.)

Me: So…

Betty: POP! P-O-P-O-P-O-P, spells DOG!

Me: Dog is spelled D-O-G.

Betty: (Nodding) Dog! Does “dog” mean stop?

Me: I’m getting really confused.

Betty: Mmm-hmmm.

Me: What are the people supposed to know?

Betty: About pee-kees! (She’s now hiding under a blanket.)

Me: What are pee-kees?

Betty: Into the bike! Dog! Cat! Kuh-ah-t! Cat! Dog! Buh-et-ee! Betty! Betty!

Me: Are you talking about spelling?

Betty: (Nodding) Betty!!! Buh-et-EE! Betty! Betty! Yay! I did it all myself!

Me: Okay, I think we’re pretty much-

Betty: I’m going to have the thermin! Like this! (sings) Wooooo! I need the thermin. I gotta talk like a robot! (indicates vocoder) Hey, dad! I want to be a robot! Can I be a robot, like this? “I AM A ROBOT!” Like that? I gotta be a robot! Look I gotta be a robot! Look! Are you done? Are you done? Are you done!

Me: Yeah, I think we’re done!

Betty: I gotta press the moon!

(Computer powers down)

Me: (Turning computer back on) Don’t press the moon. Want to say bye-bye to the people?

Betty: Yeah, I gotta say bye to the people. I can say, “Byeeee!” (waves) Dog! Dog! Cat! Kuh-a-tt! I need a cat!


About paulgude

Paul Gude writes small books, makes stupid music, draws silly pictures, and does weird things on stage.
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