Quantum Television

On the outset, let me say that I have the utmost respect for David Carradine, and that my use of “Kung Fu” is in no way meant as a slight to the man or his memory.

So here it goes.

I have nothing more than a layman’s understanding of the Many-Worlds Interpretation of quantum physics, which may in fact be a boon for this thought exercise.

The basic idea I have is this:

1) Every decision made creates a parallel universe.
2) David Carradine was chosen to play Kwai Chang Caine, but Bruce Lee was considered.
3) There exists a parallel universe wherein Bruce Lee plays Kwai Chang Caine.
4) While a building a machine that can transmit solid matter from one parallel universe to another is nearly impossible, the laws of quantum physics may be more charitable with a device that could receive a television signal from such a place. (This is a complete guess on my part, or a lie. Any physicists out there can offer advice and/or ridicule.)
5) With the right “tuner,” you could receive a broadcast of the Bruce Lee version of Kung Fu.

If such a technology were to exist, there would be several other things that might be found:

1) Popular Network TV Shows from universes where foul language and nudity are encouraged. (Also known as “The R-Rated Friends” phenomenon.)
2) Same as #1, but with porn. (Obvious.)
3) Universes where famous writers pen episodes of shows one would never expect. (Chuck Palahniuk’s “Dawson’s Creek” episode – Disappointing.) It should be noted that the Jerry Stahl “Alf” episodes are one of OUR universe’s major export.
4) Their commercials would be hilarious.

Of course, copyright laws would need a major overhaul. Does carpenter Harrison Ford get royalties from bootleg DVDs of the edited-for-television version of Indiana Jones in the universe where the role went to Tom Selleck? Who owns the property of a non-existent production company? The college friends who *would* have formed it if they had ever gotten off their asses in our universe?

Of course there would also be a completely new industry of fake parallel universe TV Shows created in our world with lookalikes.

Hmmmm…I think I’ve just pitched a show idea of my own.

What would YOU look for?


About paulgude

Paul Gude writes small books, makes stupid music, draws silly pictures, and does weird things on stage.
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3 Responses to Quantum Television

  1. Dante says:

    Ok, so this explains Quantum Television. Interesting thought.

    If my understanding of quantum physics is at all right then that would mean that the particles making up the waves being sent out in those parallel universes exist in [at least] two places at once. Hence, they’re actually here but like you said we don’t have the right tuner to watch them. Maybe we’ll have to check back with analog a few months after “the switch” because it’s possible that in that universe the switch is never made.

    Isn’t there a way to decode the snow on your TV?

  2. COMTE says:

    Well, naturally, there is a universe where advertising is only targeted at people who really NEED the products, and not intended to instill vague feelings of dissatisfaction and inadequacy.

    And of course, there is a universe where Martin Landau was cast as Spock and NOT Leonard Nimoy; and one where “Firefly” WAS a runaway hit; and one where M*A*S*H was canceled after only one season; and one where… well, this literally has infinite possibilities.

  3. paulgude says:

    Dante, what do you mean by “decode the snow?” Can you go into more detail? I’m interested.

    You’re right, Chris. I’m looking forward to the “This Old House” and “Joy of Painting” versions with all the swearing.

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