As per a few requests, here is the transcript of the latest phone call where I pretended to be really really stupid.
(Note – I have changed the names of my bosses. In this scenario we shall say that my CEO goes by the name Will, though his name on our official documentation is “William.” I know that if someone asks for “Bill,” they have no idea who my boss is. They lose extra points for trying to sound like they know him. My manager will be called Susan.)
Me: Hello! Thank you for calling [Name of company]! Can I help you?
Caller: Hi, yes! Is Bill in?
Me: Uh…Bill? I don’t…um…BILL? No, I don’t…uh…Did you say, “Bill?”
Caller: Is he available?
Me: Him? No…can I take a message? I can write it down, on paper. He likes it that way.
Caller: Well, is he the one who makes insurance decisions, or does Susan do that as well?
Me: Wow. You know her, too? Uh…I don’t know. What’s it…I mean…why are you…uhhhh…
Caller: I’m calling from Aflac. I set up appointments with them.
Me: Oh. Huh. You know…I don’t think we use Aflac.
Caller: That’s why we want to set up an appointment with them.
Me: To do what?
Caller: To talk about Aflac.
Me: But why do you want to talk to them about it if they don’t use it? That doesn’t make any sense.
Caller: Do you have health insurance at your company?
Me: WAIT! I think I’ve figured this out. Is this a SALES call?
Caller: Well, I’m not in sales. I just make appointments.
Me: Huh. I’m not supposed to take sales calls. I’m too…gullible?
Me: But you said this isn’t a sales call?
Caller: That’s right.
Me: Okay, let me have you speak to Susan.
(They are put on hold for a while.)
Me: Everyone everywhere is in a meeting. Do like talking to voicemail?
Caller: Sure, I-
Seriously, guys. Let me take a message or ask for voicemail. It’s easier on all of us.