Advice to Banks That Buy Local Banks

Those of you who read my blog may remember my gagging disgust at Chase’s attempts to woo Seattle by telling us we had great fish, or that Chase’s presence was making the sun come out.

It’s nothing new. In the town where I went to High School, local banks would occasionally get bought, but WaMU was huge, so it made more of an impact.

Here’s my advice to banks that buy local banks:

1) People hate change. You’re changing things. So, change as little as possible. Name changes are a given but for the love of pete, even if you’re an East Coast company, don’t change your customer service hours. People will instantly hate you. They’ll get over a name change, but won’t like it if they have to shift their routine.

2) Keep your commercials realistic. Your competitors are already going to have the “They Don’t Know You, Not Like US!” card to play. Trying to appear like you understand your new clients will appear disingenuous. Here is my suggestion:

Shot of middle-aged white man at a desk, contractors are taking down signage from the old bank, and putting signage up for the new bank.

MAWM: Hello. We just bought your bank. Things may be a little different for a while, but soon they’ll be back to normal. We’re not your friends, we’re not gods or magicians, we’re a bank. We’re a good bank too. That’s why we were able to buy your bank. Thanks for listening. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.

(10 Seconds of man humming to himself, doing paperwork.)

Caption w/voiceover “_______________ Bank: We’re Still in Business”

Sure, if you ever DO get bought out people will find those commercials hilarious, but then that won’t be your concern, right?

Really, those are my only two points.

I don’t know much about banks.

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About paulgude

Paul Gude writes small books, makes stupid music, draws silly pictures, and does weird things on stage.
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